It’s not easy to find the right person. Too many people rely on attractiveness and infatuation to the exclusion of everything else. But those things fade with time.
Finding the right partner can add immeasurably to your life. Taking things too far with the wrong person can wreck your life. Starting with a few guidelines can help to smooth the process in your search for love.
- Find someone with similar long-term goals. Are your goals to climb the corporate ladder, live in the big city, and retire to the south of France? That might not combine well with someone who wants to live in nature and retire on the open plain.
- Do you want children? If you have different plans for having and raising children, that’s very challenging to overcome. Those who don’t want children typically aren’t happy with them. Those who want them can’t seem to survive without them. It’s wiser to find a partner on the same page as you.
- Your partner should be an asset to attaining your long-term goals. Think about the big things you want to see, do, and accomplish in your life. Find someone who will help to make those a reality rather than becoming an obstacle.
- Share some hobbies or other interests. Maybe you both love tennis and the beach. Perhaps you share a love of meditation and yoga. After the initial infatuation has worn off, it’s important to have activities and interests you can share.
- Consider any potential religious conflicts. Some people feel strongly about religion and aren’t flexible on the religion of their partner. Ensure that you’re compatible.
- Do you genuinely like the other person? You just feel more chemistry with some people than you do with others. It’s important that you like your partner and enjoy spending time with them.
- Values. How compatible are your values? Do you share the same basic set of principles?
- Consider the potential in-laws. How much influence do your future in-laws have over your prospective spouse? Are they micromanaging her life? Is he having dinner with them four times a week? Or maybe they’re largely out of the picture. Ensure that you can live with the situation as it is.
- Pay attention to the average day. It’s easy to fall in love when you only recall the best days you’ve ever spent together. However, every day isn’t going to be a great day. It’s usually going to be an average day. How happy are you with those average days? You’re going to be getting a lot of them.
- What are the worst days like? They might be a pussycat 99% of time, but if they’re violent 1% of the time, you might want to think twice. The average days need to be good enough, and the bad days need to be acceptable.
Love isn’t easy to find, but good results are worth the effort. Poor results can put a real hamper on your happiness and well-being.
Keep the most important things in mind and resist the urge to rely too heavily on how attractive your potential partner may be. We’ve all been infatuated with someone, only to wonder what we were thinking a few months later.
Focus on the critical issues that matter the most to you and you’ll be happy with your choice!